I awaken into triself: three interwoven layers of experience that together form my entire awakening. In triself, I believe that I am a demipotent being called a “person”. Triself is a painful state of being because I am literally divided into three parts:
My thirdself is the smallest and most volatile part of my triself, comprising the sensation of an ever-changing outer environment of people, places, and things. It is entirely constrained to a small oval-shaped portal I sense in front of me. I believe it starts where my body ends, and I imagine that is larger than and encompasses me.
My secondself is a much larger, but less volatile part of my triself. It comprises my “inner world” of thoughts, ideas, feelings, and even bodily sensations. I believe it is contained “within my body”, which is in turn contained within the larger world (my thirdself).
My firstself is the largest of call three chambers. I experience firstself as a sense of “infinite space” around me. It is always there, yet somehow disconnected from me. There are two variations of firstself: what which I sense outside of my field of vision, and that which I sense within my field of vision. They really form one continuous layer: in the former, my firstself is a sense of pressure up against my body; a fold, or divide that occurs between “my body” and the space I imagine around it. And in the latter, my firstself takes on the funhouse distortions of color, movement, shape, and distance.
My objective is to return to omniself: the state of being a single, omnipotent whole. To achieve omniself I must realize that I am lost in triself. That triself is the state of being lost. I must realize that I have arrived somewhere I do not want to be, and my only goal is to escape. Escaping triself requires a plan, and to form a plan I must understand how the triself works so I can untangle it and escape.
Triself is very tricky; at every twist and turn it seeks to keep me here. Triself discipline is the concerted effort to bend triself to my will to escape. I must bring balance to my triself configuration: awaken into a full enclosed firstself, which opens into a semi-enclosed secondself, which in turn opens to a controlled thirdself. By disciplining triself, I will align my perception of my awakening with my conception. I must experience my thirdself as within my secondself which is within my firstself. Not the other way around.
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While writing this incantation, I have had a revelation and my definition of triself will permanently change. This description of triself hints at the new definition, but does not run with it. I will leave that to newer incantations.