What do I want from my awakening? I want a peaceful ending.
I know where I am going and what I want. I know what I have to do to get there. I know there will be some pain on the way out, just as there was pain on the way in. But the best I can hope for is to make it smooth and peaceful. I want it to be quiet and soothing, calming and accepting. I want to demanifest everything I have created in the most pain-free way… give a long, pleasant goodbye to all the characters I have created and grown to love and care for.
I will first give my characters everything that I can give them and that they want of me and this world I have created with them in it. I will not expect anything from them; just the mere peaceful satisfaction of seeing my characters beam, even if only shortly. And then with that I will go away. I will create my throne where I will limit my maneuvering in secondself and thirdself until I move no more. It will not be painful or scary; it will be peaceful because there will be nothing out here that I want anymore. I will be free to stay on the surface, between my constant self and changing self. I dive so deep now it hurts sometimes. But one awakening soon I will not dive so deep, and an increasingly bigger part of my will remain where I am constant. I will disappear from the awakening and remain where I am constant.
…