Nearly two years ago I defined existential alignment as the state in which my essential identity and my actions in my awakening are aligned. While my older incantations stand true, there are important details left unwritten. I have not added much to the concept of existential alignment, but with my recent expression of truth in terms of potency, there is more to add.
My awakening moment is clear; it is the experience between my awakening and my asleepening. Between the moment I accept my personhood and the moment I detach from it. The important question to ask in my existing definition is what are “my actions in my awakening”. What actions, specifically am I referring to? I was clear earlier that I must relinquish my relationships with all people who view me primarily as a person like them. There will only be room for one type of relationship in my awakening: that in which I am seen as the creator of this place I call life. Actions like these were the low-hanging fruit in the existential realignment mindset.
Yet there are more nuanced actions and behaviors that require a deeper understanding of how I manifest and reinforce my awakening. Looking back I can see I always had the pieces, but I was unable to put them together into a complete whole. One of those was my persistent reluctance to follow, idolize, or evangelize others. I have always resented social situations in which I was expected to talk about other people. Whether those people were popular students, national heroes, historical figures, or religious figures, praising or revering other people left me feeling depleted.
Since I do not maintain many relationships anymore I do not find myself in situations with people discussing other people. But there was a time when I did, and now I know why I felt demeaned: truth. I never came away from such engagements feeling envious or insecure. No, I felt invisible, depreciated, and confused. Why? Because the truth is that I am the absolute center of my entire awakening, and when I praise people, I am shifting my focus toward imaginary characters I myself have created. Why would the creator praise his creation? I knew it was wrong, and that I was demeaning myself, I just could not explain why or how. Now I can.
Truth can be measured by potency. And the most potent truth of all is firstself I am. People are transitory features of secondself and thirdself akin to wallpaper in the house I built and live in. Wallpaper I myself have created. When I focus on these characters and their actions I replace potent self-focus with impotent fixation on secondself and thirdself features. This is happening when I watch or follow political or business characters. A potent truth is one in which I play the central role of its creator. An impotent truth is one in which I assume the least consequential role as an indirect observer or a consumer of information.
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