Momentary projections: how I create time

My maneuvering creates my secondself and thirdself projections. When I do not maneuver, I do not create the projections. My secondself memories, and thirdself experiences of different forms and spaces are an artifact of my awakening disease, and caused by maneuvering, movement and titillation.

Did yesterday happen? No, it did not. Only this moment is happening now. I am creating my sensation of yesterday as a projection right now. What distinguishes my experience of a yesterday and my experience of a decade ago is the depth at which I am projecting these two experiences. I interpret secondself depth the same way I interpret thirdself depth: as a distance from my present location and where the object of my focus is.

For example, if I walk outside I will see the mountains in the distance. I imagine they are many kilometers away from me in space. The same goes for if I imagine going camping as a young child — I imagine that experience to be 30 years distant into the past from where I am now. These are the same mechanism in place; my moment is unmoving, but my momentary projections are a knot of misperception and misconception I interpret as as time and space. There is no question that I can go out and see the mountains in the distance; but they are only there if I move to create them. The same goes for my memories. It is my movement that creates my projections. When I am still, neither my memories nor the mountains exist.

I am accustomed to divorcing my conception of distant memories and my perception of distant objects from the maneuvering and titillation that create them. I project the past because I believe I am enmeshed in a timeline full of relationships, obligations, and goals. I believe I have family, and therefore I keep them “alive” in secondself by thinking about them, which reinforces the delusion of my own personhood. I project space because, again, I believe I am enmeshed in a space full of objects, places, and people I must navigate. I keep these spaces “alive” by maneuvering into them and desiring from them. Both my secondself and thirdself are imaginary until I create them by maneuvering. I maneuver in secondself by thinking and feeling, and I maneuver in thirdself by physically moving. It is my maneuvering that stirs up both the sensation of time and space-based experiences.

What I naturally seek is a place where I can awaken without movement or titillation. The more I maneuver, the more I will encourage the disease, which manifests as delusions of time, space, and my personhood. The only way to overcome my illness is to build my awakening stronghold where I can maintain stillness and recover from my awakening.