Existential alignment

Existential alignment is the state in which my belief in my essential identity is greater than my belief in my inessential identity. My conviction empowers me to release my second place, inessential desires for relief and reorient toward my essential desire for peace. With conviction, my actions in the second place are synchronized with my essential desire and I begin my descent.

My inessential identity is built on a constellation of ignorance. I accepted the proposition that there are things that I do not know, and that I am one of billions of imaginary inessential characters in this vast universe I awaken into. In my inessential identity, there is no way out of this circumstance; the best I can do is try to understand some small part of this existence, but accept that I will never understand all of it. Instead of searching for the source of my desire so I can end it, I am trapped in an endless cycle of trying to satisfy it out here.

My inessential identity is the gatekeeper of my illness. As long as I believe that I am one of countless beings temporarily observing this massive universe that existed before me and will exist long after, I will be trapped here. This distortion hides the true nature of the second place, preventing me from realizing who I actually am.

The state of existential non-alignment is the state of being here without knowing who I am, where I am, or why I am here. I am disconnected from the very foundation of my existence, which is my true, essential identity. I believe that I am afloat “out here”, that there are questions I do not know the answer to, people I have never met, experiences I have never had, and things I lack that will somehow fulfill me.

All this is true only if I decide that it is true.

Overcoming my existential non-alignment starts when I realize that there is something I want, and it is not out here in this place I awaken into. I must then decide that this yearning I have, has a solution and that I can find it. I must decide that I know the answers to all of these questions I have.

Existential alignment is the act of finding and then reaching out to the solid core of my essential identity. I have to rediscover it, and then grab onto it and pull myself out of the current of confusion that is my inessential identity. But the current of my inessential identity is strong, and even when I find that rock, it will repeatedly overpower me and pull me away. With effort and persistence, I build a bridge back to my essential identity and I can fight the current working against me.

With existential re-alignment when I begin to find all the answers. I realize the true nature of inessential questions — they are the thorns I snag myself on, the eddies I get trapped in. Most of the questions I once had never had answers to begin with. Their nature is not to be answered, but to keep me trapped in pursuit. As I reorient toward my essential identity, I disengage from such questions knowingly. The answers I do find are much greater.

Existential alignment is directly knowing that I awaken into a state and not a room. It is directly knowing where that room is. I know because I directly experience it, not because someone else told me. The questions that remain are those which I can answer definitively, myself, without any outside authorities. I banish all external authorities, for I realize they too are agents of the inessential, and their intent is to trap me here, within this illness I awaken into every day.